I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?