You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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