roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
