I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You can't die you're my only democrat family member