I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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