i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!