you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
