WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.