Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

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(231): View more from Michigan

my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

(989): View more from Michigan

i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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(516): View more from New York

That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.

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(914): View more from New York

You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle

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