don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.