we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Acid is not a monday night drug
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.