I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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