College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize