Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is wine microwaveable?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
