P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
