Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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