im drinking this country out of the recession.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
