Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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