she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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