I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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