At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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