RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
