we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
