Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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