the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
