Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
