ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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