dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i now understand why vodka
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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