they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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