Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
