i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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