Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
