I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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