Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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