Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
