i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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