i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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