I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
