I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
