If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize