Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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