I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the raccoons are back...
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