wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well you can't waste a boner
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
