if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
