mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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