last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
