Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
