your room smells of hookers.
And success
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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