Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I could have mohawked her pubes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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