she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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