it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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