Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
