i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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