I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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