but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
