I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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