I'm going to jail i love you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize