Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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