the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
