It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
