forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
