I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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