I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wish there were birth control emojis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
