i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
