i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
