So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
did i just pee glitter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
