You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
