Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
