i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
