i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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