fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
