I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
