Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
