I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
