so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
