never play flip cup with pint glasses
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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