that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
