well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
