Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
