If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
