I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
