I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
