we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
